Cinco de Mayo

So, it's Cinco de Mayo. I celebrated by stealing a donut from Krispy Kreme. Yeah, I walked in there when the ol' "Hot Donuts" sign was on. The girl at the counter says to me, she says, "Can I offer you a free donut?" And I says, "May." So she says nothing. I says, "It seems that you CAN not." She stares at me. "You see," I say, "in order to offer me a donut in the proper fashion, you would say, 'MAY I offer you a donut?'" By this time she was quite confused. I asked her if it was too late for me to get that donut. She gave it to me. I said, "Yoink!" and walked out. (She totally thought that I was gonna buy some donuts, but I did nothing of the sort.)

Then I got into a fight with some French guys in the parking lot. They were like, "Zyou owe us mo-ney, incloo-ding fif-ty doughlairez for zat do-nut and ze lot of mo-ney for ozer zduff." I was like, "Nuh unh!" They says, they says, "Zen ve fight!" I won, but then they came back with a bunch of their buddies and administered a proper beating.

It was the best 5-5 evah!

Genius

I am a genius. My students are doing food assignments for the next two weeks. I don't have to pack lunches!

Hoboes

I think that there's a lot of confusion among today's youth about hoboes. Most kids today think that a hobo is any old homeless person. That is just not true. While hoboes were homeless, they worked for their money or food, whereas a bum bums for it. The word "hobo" is derived from the words "hoe" and "boy," because hoboes would often carry their own hoes. Yes, hoboes were noble creatures, traveling our great land, lending a helping hoe where they could, perhaps even casting a little hobo-magic along the way.

N.B. Caine from "Kunf Fu" was technically a hobo, though he did not carry his own hoe. "Kung Fu: The Legend Continues" had no hoboes, and was thus a far inferior show.

Me Swollen Knuckles

Ouch! My hands are so swollen and bruised from training yesterday. Aaron kept hitting me in the hands HARD. I lost a little skin and I'm all my hands look like cartoon gloves.

All Your Base Are Belong to Us!

There was an attack on the Sheldonian Imperial Palace of the Emperor last Friday, presumably by pirates, possibly air pirates. I say "presumably" because they did not stay to plunder, knowing full well that I would have given them the pirate mashing of a lifetime. No, instead they merely smashed the Imposing Portal and the Great Front Wall, two of Sheldonia's Seven Great Architectural Wonders, then made a hasty retreat. A great Sheldonian wrecking crew was assembled to disassemble the remnants of the Imposing Portal. It took them most of Saturday. Let one thing be known for certain; the perpetrators of this heinous act shall be found and brought to brutal Sheldon-style justice.